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Help! I can’t relax!

Hayley Gillard EcotherapistLife is busy.

Life is stressful.

Life can be overwhelming and really flipping hard.

But life can be wonderful too. It can be joyful, loving, happy and exciting.  Of course we’ll all be dealt a mixture of good and bad, and we can’t (and shouldn’t) run from the bad stuff because there’s a lot of learning to be done during tough times, BUT life ideally should be wonderful more than it’s stressful and busy.

My work is all about wellbeing.  In fact, my life is all about wellbeing!

The aim of what I do is to support people to learn to relax their body and minds, take time out to reflect and recover, and make lasting mind-set shifts that enable them to feel that they can live their life from a place that feels kinder and more compassionate to themselves.

Why? Because they’ll shine brighter, do more good, feel more fulfilled and be healthier if they do.

Self-care or wellbeing is not a selfish thing – far from it.

The women I work with are mothers, partners, friends, entertainers, employees, some run their own business, they are home makers, hosts, and wonderful people.  They throw themselves into these roles and want to give it their all.  It’s fantastic, but sometimes they give, give, give so much that they burn out.

Recognise yourself in any of that? I sure used to.

Unless you give to yourself too, you will soon feel overwhelmed and not be able to give your all, in all those roles you want to be in.

I know you sometimes (or all the time!?) feel burnt out, like you’re are walking on the eggshells of your own life and feel incredibly emotional about it all. There’s only two options when you feel like that. Go under the waves, or get up and surf them.

I want to help you learn to surf.

Let me guess!…

You’ve tried this self-care lark before and it doesn’t work for you.

You don’t have time.

You feel guilty if you clear your diary for 10 mins or sneak off for a quiet cup of tea.

You have such low self-belief you feel like you don’t deserve to look after yourself.

There’s so many other people in your life you have responsibility for that you can’t do it.

Well, Mrs! I’m going to turn some of those excuses (yes, that might be a harsh word but I use it intentionally) on their heads for you. These excuses come up time and time again. I want to explore them here.


I have no time.

This is the most common. People often think that to relax, or look after yourself, you need to spend the entire evening soaking in the bath, swan off on luxury spa weekends or book regular facial treatments. Of course, those things are great, but I’m all for the tiny, subtle things you can do to change the way you look at this. People’s reasons for having “no” time are often because they have responsibility for children, a demanding job, they’re juggling loads of life commitments. I don’t ever doubt any of this, but I do teach people that you can carve out time from places you didn’t see before, you can make priority shifts once you’ve shined a light and acknowledged where you’re at, and you can learn a whole host of relaxation techniques that you can do if you only have 1 second, 1 minute or 10 minutes spare a day.

Have a look at this video which is a snippet from my online coaching programme for some ideas on how to relax in 1 second!: https://youtu.be/uME3TYXSn3E


I feel guilty because I should be X, Y, Z instead.

Ah! Guilt. I can’t relax because I should be playing games with the kids instead. I should be doing the food shopping instead. I should be decluttering the house instead. I should be finishing that essay. I should be arghhhhhh. The biggest lesson I teach here is that unless you relax and look after yourself you won’t be able to do any of these things effectively, let alone all of them, which most people attempt! A burnt out, stressed out, emotionally drained and exhausted person is not an effective person! Butter spread too thinly. Look after yourself and you will be WAY more effective in the other areas of your life. I absolutely promise.

If it all feels too much, break it down. What ONE THING can you do today just for you? It can be as tiny as taking a deep breath before you get out of bed. Start small, and achievable.


Self-care doesn’t work for me.

This excuse is a load of rubbish. There I said it. Reframe what self-care means. If you hate bubble baths and drinking chamomile tea, DON’T DO IT!

Self-care can look like a rock concert if that’s what floats your boat! A rave, a Zumba class, jet-skiing, paragliding, playing the drums, knitting, making jam. It doesn’t matter what self-care looks like to you, what matters is that you do it.


I don’t deserve to look after myself.

Sometimes you may have really low self-esteem, a lack of motivation or a belief that your wellbeing is something that shouldn’t even be considered. This barrier requires a little bit more work, but it absolutely can be overcome. I’ve seen it. By taking things slowly, learning some tools and making some mind-set shifts e.g. reframing the way you speak and think, from focusing on negatives to focusing on positives, it is possible to overcome this barrier. Life Coaching empowers people to make changes and set goals they take actionable steps towards. It is about building new beliefs and thought patterns and proving to yourself that you can achieve things. If you want to have a chat with me about this one please get in touch.

Do any of these barriers resonate with you?

They are all too common.

My work exists because it is my mission to help women live a life they love from a place where self-care is a priority. I hope that by reading my blogs, downloading my free resources and watching my live videos on social media  that I can start to help break down some of these barriers for you.

Let’s start right now. If you are busy, stressed out and feel like you have no time to relax then come and join the conversation. My FREE Facebook Group Wellbeing and Wellies is a safe community where we talk about how to make wellbeing a part of your life in a sustainable and long-lasting way.


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